lazy sunday.

I just found out that I would be involved in the F&B portion for my bros wedding.

Depressing…

Considering the fact that I have yet to have a serious relationship and it would still be ages before I exchange any vows and I have a slight inkling that its never going to happen at least for my lifetime, but still F&B.

What the hell bro?
Am I supposed to cook? Serve? Or be the bunch of idiots that go around from table to table yelling ‘yam seng’ for the love of god?

Please, not the latter. I mean I know I am pretty loud and stuff but that ‘yam seng’ thing has got to pass. Thats usually the part where I will secretly bid my farewell to the bride and bridegroom. Its horrendous!

I cant figure why the Chinese still carry on this tradition. Why cant we change the words ‘yam seng’ to something more nicer sounding like ‘bottoms up’ or ‘free love’ or ‘Im gay’….
And apparently he got my favorite cousin to do the reception job which is so much easier and glamorous than mine.

Hey I am not going to fly down from Sydney to take this shit man? Perhaps he forgot that the best and most suitable job for me is just sitting down and eating the sumptuous dinner spread. Think about it.

My mum and dad would most probably disappear to the other tables entertaining the guests, my grandmas would follow suit, and my irritating younger cousins would be trying to search for Aslan to take them to the magical world of Narnia so technically no one would be at my table.


So why not I give my brother an incredibly sensible and intelligent suggestion to just station me at the table and just eat, I mean it would be a terrible waste not to touch such heavenly food and besides my parents have been hounding me to eat more so that will be a perfect opportunity.

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Speaking of which, my parents are sending me for counseling.

They were really freaked out by the New Paper report on anorexia and the symptoms and they decided that I was suffering from the curse of the devil and I needed therapy.
My dad even offered me a free weekend buffet spread @ any hotels in Singapore of my choice. Am I that scrawny and thin?

My good friend Aldric said that it is a grand understatement to say that I am skinny. He says I am beyond skinny; I am bones and flesh. aldric you are not that sexy either! It’s a pity you haven’t met Moses lim. I simply cant understand how my body works.
When I was young, I was fat.
When I was a teenager, I was thin. After my BMT, I went back to being fat again. Now I am thin again.

I mutated four times and I suspect more of such irregular patterns are likely to reoccur. I am having food cramps now. Its not that I hate to eat, but I do feel that eating beyond ones capacity is gluttony and obviously that is a sin.

Or maybe I hate being all blotted and having to work off those extra calories. I am an exercise freak and I love to jog. I usually jog for at least 5 km and if that is so I don’t think I am feeding myself enough. Still I am trying to gain weight, so please just let me be!

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I attended a friend’s wedding today and she is still a wacky as ever. She wanted to have an all white wedding with a ‘white theme’.

The decoration, the lightning, the tablecloths, the wedding guest book, the flowers and every other thing…
and everything was just absolutely gorgeous in white. Until I spilt some curry gravy on her white table cloth.

Diah you now know who is the culprit! Its me and im sorry! I am not trying to sound mean and all but this is hilarious. No one actually noticed the curry stains until I spilt some curry stain on my own shirt and my friends than suspected that I was the curry spiller. Damn it happened twice. What rotten luck!

Her mum probably though that I was some sort of wacko that feeds on curry and would leave a trail of curry around to satisfy my obsession. So the wedding was great other than the above incident and when I finally met my good friend for after so long.

Her first reaction was to enunciate my name really slowly as we used to have a really big joke about my ridiculously not funny name.

She went something like’ ngggggggggggiapppppppppp tongggggggggggggggg’ and as usual decide to spread some joy and litter her jokes around.

She commented and told me not to hold her hand for too long than after when I slip her a green packet; she exclaimed very loudly she doesnt take brides. Crazy bitch return me my money haha but thats why I like her so freaking much because shes not normal but I must say that she look really good yesterday probably the afterglow of marriage.
Great time catching up with long lost friends.

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I spoke with my cousin just now and i am highly suspicious that my cousin got me a freaking ipod this Christmas but I shall not get my hopes too high and to be fucking honest, I dont know what to get for her. How about a years supply of Bens & Jerrys?
Or even better still durex? or the vibrating thing? oh its getting so messed up!

I am going to write my Christmas cards now…..