a new day!

There are just too many ‘broken’ people in this world and I’m not doing enough. The reason why I am not doing enough is because I am ‘broken’ myself. But it’s always the once ‘broken’ people who can make a difference with their testimony. I need to learn to stay true to who I really am, and with that being said means no more false pretence and lies because if I can’t handle the truth now, it’s going to be more painful and treacherous as I continue this journey. I am not perfect but I can strive towards being the person I always wanted myself to be and that is to be happy with who I am and what I represent. If I don’t love myself, nobody will! Emptiness is nothing but an illusion. I have signed up to be a volunteer to help HIV + people in Sydney. I don’t know whether I can remain committed but I know that I have to start somewhere and that is learning to give back to society. I will officially start my training this November. I don’t think I am doing it because I feel like I need to do something good to repay for all the bad things I have done because God has already done that or for my own self benefit to get myself over my oast addictions or for self gratification knowing that it will appease my morals. I am doing it because I want to do it. I am doing it because I really feel that I can make a difference. There’s a part of me that says that I will fail but fuck you. How you know I will fail when I haven’t even started? Doesn’t fucking judge me! I know I will succeed because I have someone far greater than anyone on this earth by my side. He has been teaching me the lesson of humility every day. I am not as smart or as good looking or as street savvy or as kind hearted as what I think of myself to be. That’s honestly. But I am learning to live life to the fullest every day because I’m tired of all the lies Satan is feeding me. Fuck all the lies cause I am tired. When I fall I pick myself up and run again. The journey is long but we have to press on and I can’t give up. I really Cant.!